I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
