Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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