Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
