Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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