Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to be your penis for a week.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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