I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
