My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
