Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
