I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We are two peas in an std pod
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
