How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize