Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
