After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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