Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i barfeds in our rink
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
