so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
