and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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