It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize