I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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