So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
