9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
