New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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