just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
