My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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