he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So much rum. So many feels.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
