Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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