I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
