Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
