it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
