the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
