Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
