Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
