I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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