I'm laying in your front yard are you home
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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