I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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