Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
