Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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