I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
