I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
