well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
