Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize