Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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