What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
