what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
