Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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