i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
