thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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