Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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