I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
