also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize