Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
