I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
where are you?
Hypothermia
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
