Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
