I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it glows. i had to have it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
