im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
