is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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