I'm gonna have a badass scar
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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