He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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