I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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