Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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