I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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