Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
3pm strippers are depressing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
