Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had sex on a roof
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
