If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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