he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
