JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
