Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
