there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
