I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
