my being single is dangerous.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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