You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
