explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
