I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
