One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
