She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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