If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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