i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
