You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize