Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
