In America we eat man semen.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
