It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
