You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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