I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
