I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
