I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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