i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I party with great urgency now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
