Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
