Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
