Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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