What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
