I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
