I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
