apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
