Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
