I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
