mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize