this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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