Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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