I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
