Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
