Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
