I love black thongs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
