Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
