There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
