Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
