The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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