At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
