I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My ass is underappreciated
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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