I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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