No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
