i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
